Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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