He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
