I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i think my cat just said my name.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
