At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Who died my cat blue again?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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