he thought i was a dude.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
