It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
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my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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