We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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