I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
