did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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