I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
