so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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