my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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