Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
