I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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