I want to have your abortion
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
