My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
