nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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