Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
