I'm really into asian looking animals
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
