After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
