I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
