I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
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him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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