It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
