Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I could teleport
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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