then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
