My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
