She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
