why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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