My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
soo... how was my night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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