Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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