just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Will exercising make me less horny?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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