Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
