What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
