I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
