ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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