she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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