those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
