best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
