So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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