Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
