If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
