I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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