take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
