I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
