Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
