You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
