I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
