Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
