I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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