Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
