i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
