did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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