So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
