I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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