Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
