WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just high enough for therapy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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