I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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