how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize