I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Boobs are out for the taking
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
