arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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