He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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