I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
