I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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